St. Peter's and the Big-Cock Contest

1-- Black and silver-white paintings of Hercules performing his feats. In one he’s got a lion pushed up against a tree and it looks like he’s about to really give it to him. In all of these panels the artist has organized the poses to show off Hercules’s Herculean physique. In this one in particular he shows us flexed back and butt muscles.


2-- In a pizzeria a picture of a topless woman with orange hair. On her back, with an infant sprawled over her. She is lovely, and it is a kind of paradise, but the whole arrangement of hands, mouths, etc, is a bit too intimate. And there are daisies in her hair but after I’ve looked for a while they look like eyes. And suddenly the whole things filled with eyes and they don’t seem so friendly.

3—“Don’t copy nature, work like her.”
Picasso

All of the above, though, is just introduction to this “lyric essay” I found on a crumpled-up piece of paper in one of the stalls of the bathroom next to the Vatican Post Office. At the top in simple small script is the word “submission” and at the bottom, of course, the piece is signed “Jack Gilbert, not really.”

----St. Peter’s and the Big-Cock Contest----


After going through the churches, cathedrals and basilicas of Europe one begins to feel as though it’s all, quite simply, a big-cock contest. I told Jasmine, my 18-yr old Thai wife, this and she told me not to be rude in a place of worship.

Churches, cathedrals, basilicas—well, they all give me pleasure. Immense pleasure. And in a world of Christian places of worship St. Peter’s is a porn star. The undisputed champion.

Okay, maybe I’m pushing the analogy. Just having fun. Being a jerk even. But am I? A short ways into St. Peter’s there’s a mark on the ground that indicates where St. Paul’s (London) comes up to it in length. Walk on and you’ll see where other big names, like Notre Dame, measure up.

It’s something like:

St. Peter’s--- 14 inches
St. Paul’s---- 12 inches
Notre Dame---- 10 inches
etc etc


Yes, St. Peter’s is the biggest, longest, thickest cock in the world. But, fact is, the contest’s rigged. After St. Peter’s was finished, anything erected HAD to be less.

Also, St. Peter’s, according to legend, is the exact center of the universe which in a way I guess also makes it the biggest cunt.

Most churches are filled with pews and chairs. St. Peter’s, though, is mostly just open space for you to stand in and gawk at its hugeness.

The “Pieta” in St. Peter’s really impressed me. The Sistine Chapel—not so much. But the Pieta, ahhh. Too bad God told some Aussie nut to smash it with a hammer. I would liked to have touched it.

I can see Michelangelo sneaking into the big Cock—I mean church, cathedral, basilica, whatever—to chisel into his Pieta “I was made by Michelangelo.”

This same man, Michelangelo, who painted God’s ass on the ceiling. God’s ass for a tiny warlord Pope who had dozens of mistresses and syphilis. A Pope who commissioned St. Peter’s determined to win once and for all and forever the big-cock contest.

New Interview Coming Soon

Soon I'll be posting up an interview with Brian Clements re his book "And How to End It"

Whenever anyone asks me where they can find good contemporary prose poems I tell them to buy the current issue of Sentence (or one or more of the back issues.) Sentence contains a great variety of prose poetry, essays, etc. Each issue also contains a good Feature. The first issue features Ponge, Follain and Jacob. (French Prose Poets.) This led me to buy "Dreaming the Miracle" which contains selections from those 3 poets and which, also, is one of my favorite books.

Brian is the founder and editor of Sentence and his new book "And How to End It" is an extremely interesting collection of prose poems.

Here's the Bio Brian supplied me

Bio: ...author of half a dozen collections of verse, free verse, and prose poetry; editor of Sentence and its parent press Firewheel Editions, with the anthology An Introduction to the Prose Poem forthcoming from Firewheel this spring; Coordinator of the MFA in Professional Writing at Western Connecticut State University. Two books in 2008: Disappointed Psalms and And How to End It.

Traveling

-

---An expressive and neurotic Dutch girl´s pouring a glass of water (holding the bottle with both hands) and I´m exhilirated by how different people are. And when she trills out "Here we are!" it makes me think "Caviar."

---Some of the leaves in the salad have purple veins.

---A plump Dutch lady´s pouring a glass of fine white wine (German, I think)

---Paulo Coelho is a weasel.

---The people next to us had like 15 bags and many of them were overweight. To reduce extra charges they repacked. My wife was watching and she says she saw a bunch of big yellow plastic ropes.

---We picked up fleas somewhere and we´ve been scratching like dogs.

---Like many others, my wife´s found a soul-mate in Elizabeth, Empress of Austria
(1837-1898)
"Sisi"



---I only made it 50 pages into Ken Sparling´s "dad says he saw you at the mall." It reminded me a bit of Robert Lopez´s "A Part of the World," a novel in which a strange woman plays with a strange man´s cock with her feet. (There´s more to it than that but that´s what I´m remembering now.)

Two Poems at Bent Pin

Two new poems of mine are now up on Bent Pin:

[A plane´s moored in a field...]

and

Chestnuts

A Note from Black Ocean (Special Offer)

wanted to let you know now that "With Deer" is available for pre-order on the Black Ocean website, and if people order a copy now through February 11th (i.e until AWP), they can pick it up for only $10 + free shipping. Orders will ship the week of March 3rd, before it will even be available on Amazon. Here's the direct link:
http://www.blackocean.org/with-deer/

other new title, "Scape" (Harmon) is being offered at the same deal,

Dream

Dreamed I was on Nate Liederbach's shoulders swigging whiskey and pouring it down on to his face and chest. He was spinning round and we were both screaming "Whiskey! Whiskey! Whiskey! Whiskey! Whiskey!..."

Then we were walking through the veldt with our dogs towards mountains far, far off. Our dogs kept running ahead of us and shitting. One of them didn't even bother to stop: it just raised its tail and the shit floated out as it ran along.

All ahead of us rabbits poked their heads from their holes. And then disappeared.

This went on for a long time.

The Winds of Change-- Piss-poor, i mean really piss-poor, writing

To follow are some excerpts from the editor's note in the current (January 1, 2009) AmericanWay (American Airline's in-flight magazine).

It's titled "The Winds of Change" and it beings with the sentence "Change is in the air." A few sentences later we get this gem:

" It's as Marcus Aurelius believed in that everything existing 'is already disintegrating and changing.' "

what the fuck?

i mean what the fuck?

(and this can't be explained by a simple "typo." go ahead and try. i did)

ok, now, rewind,...(and continuing forward)

" It's as Marcus Aurelius believed in that everything existing 'is already disintegrating and changing.' True enough, but those who successfully grasp that concept, I believe, will be able to make the inevitable evolutionary course of action changes in their favor. "

mmmmm-hmmmmmm

And, a bit later in the article the editor introduces us to some members of the AmericanWay team:

" Eric Celeste is our leadoff man...On deck is Cathy Booth Thompson...And batting cleanup is the most chiseled writer I've ever read. "

O, Lord!!-- i was so absolutely astonished by the adjective "chiseled" it took me a while to notice that the clean up hitter's batting 3rd. (most any Baseball fan knows the cleanup hitter bats 4th.)

but again who can even think of baseball, etc, when you're trying to properly savor the phrase
" the most chiseled writer I have every read" !!!!!!!



finally, the Editor's note ends with a call for comments and suggestions (adam.pitluk@aapubs.com):

" let me know if we're moving in the right direction. Until then, let us entertain you. "

well, Adam, i'm not sure what direction you're moving in (though I'm sure it's not a straight line) but you certainly have entertained me!

I WILL DO SOMETHING TO STOP THE SLAUGHTER IN GAZA!!!

I just noticed that a couple of my Facebook "friends" were attending the event:
I WILL DO SOMETHING TO STOP THE SLAUGHTER IN GAZA!!!

and I wondered what could one do to stop the slaughter.

So, I looked into ActionPalestine.org who created and administer the event.

Action Palestine is a U.K student group, and on their website they list the ways one can stop the slaughter. Writing to your representative, attending events (or as they put it, "demonstrations/vigils/stunts/actions")

I don't like people dying. I don't like people being slaughtered. And I think it's good that certain people take certain kinds of action--- demonstrating, for example

But I'm skeptical of the following phrase in the Facebook Event description:

"It is everyone's duty to do something to stop this"

Violent Deaths: Year in Review (189 Muertos)

At the end of a year, or the beginning of a new one, you can always rely on the various year in reviews. This morning's Meridiano features a review of the year's violent deaths.

Besides the front cover (shown above) 9 pages inside are filled with details of each and every death. Each has a headline like

Atropellado---hit by car
Suicidio--- suicide
A Balatos--- shot
Choque--- car wreck
Infartado--- heart attack
Electracutado--- electrocuted
volcadura---- car accident (where the car rolls over and over)
sepultado--- buried
envenenado--- poisoned
asesinado-- killed/executed
ahogado---- drowned
extrangulado-- strangled

and then a full play by play description of how such-and-such met his demise, was found, etc....

Today The Sky is Blue and White with Bright Blue Spots and a Small Pale Moon and I Will Destroy Our Relationship Today

--

as I read the very interesting "pieces" in this book I thought to myself that Tao Lin will probably not be writing poetry much longer,....


you can read this on-line here